Newborns are easy. Toddlers are hard.

So many people I know are about to have babies and it bring me back to the "sage advice" that I often heard. "Get used to sleepless nights" "You have to feed newborns all the time" "They need to be held, a lot." "They cry a lot"... No shit Sherlock. Its a baby. Babies, and people for that matter, are needy. Yes there is an adjustment period because you are caring for a new human being. Really? how do people even think that kind of garbage is even remotely helpful. Truth of the matter is, I miss having a needy newborn once in a while.
Evan just got over having the worst cold of his life. He had 6 days of fevers, congestion and I cannot begin to describe the terror of opening his diapers.
So with this I am going to respond to the sage advice.
Sleepless nights. Newborns are a lot of work because they require round the clock feedings, and wake up several times a night for feedings. But toddlers do that too, at least mine does. When Evan wakes up now, we still drop everything and comfort the little guy. I am not the parent that thinks he should self soothe. He really can't. He needs to be held and comforted at night. This is the main reason why we bedshare, he needs to nurse and needs to be held. I may have instilled this in him by rushing to comfort him, but he is not ready yet to do it on his own. Sometimes I wish he could but I'm not about to stop rushing to him when he cries for me.
They eat a lot. Newborns only drink milk. When Evan was tiny, I had no problem just nursing him. Toddlers need meals in addition to any milk they also drink. Evan is still breastfed when I'm around. And all night long pretty much. I am lucky if I can get away with nursing him twice in one night. Toddlers are also really messy eaters. Evan can't quite feed himself an entire meal and needs someone to feed him. He is learning utensils but is  not near being self sufficient. I miss just nursing him and knowing that his nutritional needs were met.
They need to be held a lot. Well so do toddlers, and they can ask for it. I cannot do anything without Evan at my feet wanting to be picked up. I can't cook, clean or even use the bathroom sometimes without holding him or risk a tantrum. Sure newborns need to be held all the time but most newborns are not a back breaking 25 lbs, not to mention wiggly squirmy. Evan also does the classic toddler up down up down.
I hate when people tell you that its better when they can sit up, crawl, walk, insert any mobility milestone here. Before all that, I could put Evan down and know he would stay where I put him until I picked him back up. Now I have a mountain climber. He doesn't walk because he is perfectly destructive and can climb up onto anything he needs. I am just grateful that he usually climbs down off the couch rather that diving head first. Besides I think all that it gets better stuff is a crock. Really? I am not thrilled to have a climber. And even if Evan could walk, it doesn't mean he wouldn't want to be held all the time. I think it would just make the up-down game a little worse.
They cry a lot. When a newborn cries, it sweet, a little sad, but sweet. They have a distinctive helpless cry. And though sometimes they are inconsolable, but eventually every baby settles. Crying gets louder and more urgent as they get older. Add tantrums into the mix and you begin to miss the never-ending cry of an inconsolable newborn. Evan gets mad and cries, hits, pulls hair and bites. Show me a newborn that does that. He gets so violent that people judge me as a bad parent. My kid has a temper, ok. He is also very smart, and he much like a 2 year old in the throes of "terrible twos" cannot communicate what he wants or needs and gets frustrated that his speech is not keeping up with his desires.
Don't get me wrong, I love my smart, angsty, restless, hungry, needy toddler, but some days I wish I had that easy newborn again. When people see you with a newborn, they feel compassion when you look disheveled and when you have a toddler that haggard look and the screaming kid, get stares of "she is a horrible mother". We should as a society still have compassion for parents, because it doesn't get easier and you never know what that mom is dealing with. She may just be the greatest mom in the world who puts the needs of a needy one year old before herself.
 

What it comes down to.

I have been trying to find childcare for oh about a month now. Evan's grandmas have been doing a fine job keeping him this summer, but alas, summer is over and Eric's mom is back to school and my mom is back to work. Its very hard to come to a decision to have someone else watch your kid.
I checked out a local daycare center or two. As the lady stood there talking to me while a baby sat and cried in a highchair, I knew it was not for me. Plus they charged too much for the poor care they provided. I decided to look into home daycare.
Originally, I had found a nice DCFS certified home daycare that was close to my work. Everything was neat and orderly. She knew her stuff but could only keep Evan 3 days a week and ultimately made the decision to not keep him at all.
I turned off my search for a while. Until about 2 weeks ago. I turned to my trusty friend craigslist to see what was in the area. Craigslist has never steered me wrong before. And I have a healthy gut instinct with the internet. I looked for over a month to find an apartment because my gut kept saying no.
My first appointment from craigslist turned out to be wrong in my gut. The lady was nice but where she kept the kids was not so nice. Her home was clean but her couch was right by the stairs which is no good for a climber like Evan. She also was not attentive and considered lemonade as a good snack. She had weird parenting ideas like the old notion that sugar makes kids nuts. She also had an obese 5 year old which made me question what she would actually feed my kid.
I went back to craiglist that day and replied to as many posts as I could to see who would respond. I got a few emails back and a few wanted me to drive 30 minutes out of my way. Extra hour away from my baby each day? No thanks. One woman called me that day. I was so happy to get a human response right away. She was so nice and understanding. She has 2 children, including a 2 month baby. Anyone who has the patience to care for a needy toddler and a new baby is someone quite special. I met her last week. At a park. Her husband is also cautiously aware of freaks and weirdos from the internet. She also checked me out on FB and I checked her out on sittercity. Our interview went well. She is attentive and hands on. She feeds her older child well. AND she breastfeeds and cloth diapers. Its hard to find someone in the south suburbs that shares the same values as I do. She is caring and gentle and Evan liked her. And she is only 3 minutes from my job.
I also checked out one more home daycare that was referred to me by Eric's family. I met a very nice caring lady who loved her family and had a lovely home. She had a whole basement set up as a daycare and she really loved what she does. She was patient and kind, and was really all about the children. It came down to one thing. I prefer Evan to eat fresh fruit and have yogurt as a snack just about everyday. She doesn't keep fresh fruit around, and she serves pop tarts for breakfast. Someday Evan will get pop tarts, but now its not the time. She also serves Salisbury steak quite often. Do you know how much salt is in that?
In the end, I went with my gut and chose the woman with similar values as me. I hope it goes well.

Humble Pie and other things

There are several things that I said that I would and would not do as a parent when I was pregnant.

1. Cosleeping. I desperately wanted Evan to sleep in a crib. We tried, but he has not slept a single night in his crib. He used to sleep in a bassinet. I did it right, I would put him down sleepy but awake and he would drift off to sleep. That did not last. He nurses a lot at night. A LOT. At a year old, he nurses about 3 times in the night. Some nights, he will nurse all night. In order to get more sleep, I let him sleep in our bed and it works out fine for us. He doesn't fall out of bed that often, and lately when he falls he lands on his feet just like a cat.
2. Pacifier. As much as I didn't want one in the beginning, I don't know what I would do with out one. He needs his pacifier.
3. Sippy Cups of Milk. I hate milk spills and stinky cups. I intended to give him milk in a regular cup, but we are busy people and its easier to have a sippy cup.
4. TV. The television is on a lot. Evan is still a genius.

Some things I did right and stuck to my guns with.

1. No walker. He doesn't need one. Walkers do not help babies walk sooner. We had a jumperoo and used it between 4 and 7 months, he enjoyed it but just stopped using it.
2. Naked time. As Evan is getting older and doesn't pee all the time, we let Evan go diaper free sometimes.
3. Only breastmilk in a bottle. Well sometimes he got formula, but he never received anything else from the bottle. I judge moms that give their kids pop and kool-aid in bottles. So unnecessary. 
4. Juice and sugary drinks. The epidemiologist in me knows the link between sugar sweetened beverages and obesity. So unless Evan is constipated or dehydrated, no juice. 
5. Sippy cups at one. Evan stopped taking a bottle a week before his first birthday, and we haven't looked back.
6. Snacks in the car. Hello? choking hazard.
7. Carseat. Evan only knows rear facing, and always rides in car seat.

And the unexpected.

1. Crawling around stores. Evan is at an age where he one, has no attention span or patience and two, likes to explore. With that bad combination, he needs to get down in stores. So if I'm not on an epic grocery trip, I let him crawl a bit while I shop. He loves it. I get dirty looks, but he loves it.
2. Cloth diapering. I love it.
3. Baby wearing. I love it, Evan doesn't.
4. Pooping on the potty. Who knew I could get a one year old to sit and poop in the morning?

In a year, I think I have this parenting thing under control. I'm sure there will be other things that come up in the future that I never wanted to do as a parent, but parenting involves being flexible.

Cloth Diapering Me v. Militant Cloth Diaper Moms

So recently I started cloth diapering. I know its late in the game, I missed out on cloth for his first year. I tried it when he was little but I didn't have enough to cloth diaper consistently. And he grew out of them so fast that I couldn't keep up. Many of the fancy diapers I had were only worn once. They were all in ones so once they were dirty I had to get a new diaper. I think I would have done better had I used cover and fitted diapers or prefold old school diapers. Most of the problem I had with diapering was the upfront cost. Non cloth diaperers are always freaked out by the poop. What do you do with the poop? Evan taught me to be comfortable with poop early on. He consistently had blow outs and still has them quite frequently. Poop? I can handle that part. The money part is the issue. True cloth diapers will save your pocketbook in the long run but they are an initial investment. It was much easier for me to use a good coupons and save a great deal on diapers. Now that Evan is a giant, disposable diapers are expensive and they are not working like they used to. No matter what I do, he pees out of them at night. I needed to find a solution.
I did my research. Modern cloth diapers a great. They come with snaps or velcro and many can grow with your child so you only need to invest once. I felt that pocket diapers and all in ones were too much of an investment. I wanted a diaper with an liner and a shell. Something I could change the dirty part and keep using the cover til it got dirty. If I did it right I could use a few covers a day and just change the inside. I have good friends that use prefolds and think they are great. The could be great to me. I came across a deal on Trend Lab diapers. They are new to the market, they have a microfiber insert that is very absorbent and a very leak resistant cover. Just snap out the dirty liner and snap in a clean one. If the cover gets dirty or wet, change that too. I got them and I love them. It held up all night and cleared up a diaper rash over night with no creams or ointments. I got a snug fit. Evan, Eric and I like them.
Well other people don't like them. They seem to be good for newbies but not for people who are serious about cloth diapering. The message boards and reviews made me feel bad about my purchase. Microfiber should never touch a baby's skin. Says who? I'll be the first to tell you that I hate how some microfiber feels, but this isn't itchy and absorbs well and quickly. Hey if shamwow made a diaper. I'd probably use it.
I belong to a cloth diapering group on FB. I've checked out cloth diapering message boards. They all hate Trend Lab. I feel like I'm back in highschool and I'm not wearing the right clothes and am therefore clueless. So many cloth diaperers are elitist and militant. Many like collecting cloth diapers and are always on the look out for new patterns. That's fine, but its not me. I like the idea of saving money, and not polluting more than I already do. I'm not into organic food or organic cotton. I'm average. I looked into many of the CD freaks. I share somethings in common. I breastfeed, I bedshare, I babywear (when I can), I pretty much attachment parent. But I do not share an important ideology that is common to the militants. I vaccinate my child. Vaccines are very important to me and I don't buy into that mularcky about vaccines and autism. I could never be friends with someone like that. Its a question of values that I feel strongly about.

Parenting is a process. People will always look down on you and many will tell you that you are doing something wrong. There will always be a person who consider themselves as wiser or more experienced or better educated. People will always say that they have been through tougher things when you talk about a struggle or issue or they will tell you that their kid is better when you share the good. I like my diapers and that is all.

One Year Old Art

I have no art in my new place. I wanted some unique original art for my place. I bought a few canvases and some washable tempra paint. Art ensued.

 The first thing he did was try some blue.

 Not as yummy as it looks.

 It looked like it was going to be fabulous.

 But someone just wanted to play.

 Until he saw how much fun it could be.

 Both hands and feet!

 And mommy's legs.

 No, mom. The blue is great.

 Finished masterpieces.

 All clean!

All in all after lots of baby wrangling. And placement in front of the art, we got some great pieces.

Happy Birthday.

In the past 2 days, Evan has reminded me of a lesson I have learned in the year he has been here. No so much to expect the unexpected, but be prepared for anything to happen.
On Tuesday, at 364 days old, Evan choked for the first time. Full on choking where he couldn't breathe. I swiftly took him out of his highchair and did the baby heimlich. He didn't seem phased by it at all.
Then on his birthday, as I was getting peanut ready for bed, his whole chest was covered in hives. Initially I thought it was eczema because he has been covered with eczema most of his young life. I put hydrocortisone on it and then freaked out because it was hives and not eczema. Thankfully the ointment worked quickly and the hives were gone before the doctor could even call me back. Two crises averted in two days.

In addition to the crazy "health" scares, I have been thinking about out birthday last year. We put the birth in birthday because he was actually born on my birthday. With 30 hours of labor (only about 23 hours of active labor) it was the best of times and worst of times so to speak.
Gladly, a year out I do not remember any of the pain. Honestly other than recovering, I couldn't remember the pain a week later. So without further ado, here is what I remember of my  Evan's birth story.
I chose to have an induction because I was one of the 2 to 3% of pregnant women with gestational diabetes. It wasn't fun, I had to check my blood sugar 4 times a day and inject myself with insulin at night. I also had to have ultrasound twice a week to check for activity. Because of this, I can't stand moms that complain that they can't tell the sex of the baby with ultrasound. While that may be nice, the ultrasound is for health and grow, not vanity. On a side note, when I had my 20 week ultrasound I laughed the whole time and didn't cry when I found out Evan was a boy. I didn't really care about the sex. Anyway, I chose induction because diabetes can lead to really big babies and the risk of having a stillborn increases. I was scared and I wanted my baby out healthy.
The beginning was really really slow. I had a pill to help induce me and I had to wait a few hours before pitocin. Pitocin sucked. It brings on some unnatural speedy contractions. I went into the whole thing wanting to do it naturally as possible. Five hours of intense labor and some ridiculous bleeding, I got an epidural. One nurse thought I was a baby for doing it, really? Anywho, my awesome nurse told me at the beginning of the epi that you can't pee with an epidural because you can't feel the urge to pee, so I would need a catheter. Well after the epidural went in, all the nurses had to run off to c-section room. (someone had a prolapsed umbilical cord, yikes!) Meanwhile, I was sitting around for a while, someone said something silly. And my water broke. No it turns out I just peed the bed. I kept peeing too, so it turns out you can pee but you can't stop. During this ordeal, I apparently pulled out my epidural. (That is rare too) So I suddenly went from smooth sailing to having 8 contractions in a row. I can't tell you how much it hurt, but nurses and anesthesiologists were needed pronto. Second, epi and a catheter later. I was happy. Until I started to pee the bed again. I told then nurse that I was peeing. You can't pee outside of a catheter. My water actually broke. Funny how I kept mixing those things up. I still had about 10 hours of slow progress to go...
In that 10 hours most of my nurses were great. We had to "fire" one because one she wouldn't let us look at my monitor and two she didn't believe me when my second epidural stopped working. I told her that I could feel my cath and legs and I knew I shouldn't. So the rest was uneventful until my favorite part, pushing.
Shortly after 2 pm I needed to push. Its funny that you suddenly need to push. I believed I pushed for about 20 to 30 min, but I wasn't one of those ladies that got the baby out in 2 pushes and brags. I puked throughout my entire pregnancy so it was no different to puke during delivery, I barfed and Evan's head popped out! Best technique ever. I recommend it to everyone. The doctor said he's gonna tell all his patients. He had the cord wrapped around his neck twice (it was loose) and then he came out and Evan was born at 2:38 pm on my birthday. It wasn't 8-9-10 like I wanted but in the long run, his birthday is just as nice. In addition to the wrapped cord, in utero Evan tied a knot in the cord. The cord was also 3times the length of a normal cord (that was not hyperbole). Cord boy has been trouble since before he was born. He is so mischievous but I can't picture him any other way.

Our First Birthday together.

Bye Bye Babas and Bittersweet Boobies

So here I am after a busy weekend wondering if I'll ever get to update my blog. Free time is something I lack as a working mom. So as I pump for my last week. I am sad. I've worked so hard at this and I now I have to wean him off milk during the day. Actually, unless he us hurt or tired, the kid would probably care less about it. It is mommy that is sad. I am not sad to stop pumping. That my friends is a joyous occasion. I'm sad that I won't feed him throughout the day when I'm home. I suppose the kid has to grow up but I'm not ready.
Today was Evan's last day for bottles. He can drink well out of cups and he would rather play with a bottle than drink from it. Time to break him from it before he wants drink everything from the baba.

Evan doesn't seem to need so much milk anymore. Somebaby is self waening. So sad. Infact today, he didn't have any milk while he was at his grandma's. I've dropped my pumping at work down to once a day. This means I will have less milk during the daytime and I won't be able to nurse much during the day when I'm with him. I will certainly miss him crawling up to me begging for milk. Nursing isn't just for food, its a special time for him and I. He nursed for a really long time today and then looked at me like, thanks, I needed that. As nursing draws to a close, I savor each nursing session we have. Since Evan will be one on Wednesday, I am transitioning him to cow milk this weekend (for selfish reasons, I don't want him to have bad poops at his birthday party). I will still nurse at night, yes, we wake up once or twice for milk time. But my lil boy is growing up and I suppose I will have to too.

I will not miss pumping. Its the hardest thing I do each day.