Extended Breastfeeding: Go the F*ck to sleep.

You just nursed for 2 hours, you're not hungry get off me, now go the fuck to sleep.

I wish the book included that line, but it seriously does not describe the worst night Evan and I have had in his young life. Early this week, his 16th tooth came in and according to baby books, it should be smooth sailing. When he is not teething, he sleeps well. (He can even sleep from 10 to 5 without milk.) I was so delighted to no longer have hour long night nursing sessions and looking forward to better sleep.
Insert, growth spurt and no nap. Well I'm not 100% sure but judging by his appetite for both food and milk, overall crankiness and poor sleep, I came to the conclusion. Also when my child does not nap, he sleeps too early.

The calm before the storm.

Despite the 2 hour super late nap, he did go to bed at his normal time. Then at 12:00 all hell broke loose. Last night my child was attached to the boob for 6 hours with 15 minute breaks. At one point I turned on TV so he could be entertained while I hid my boobs. I needed to sleep, but what I really wanted to do is take a shower. I wanted him to sleep long enough for me to sneak out of bed and wash my hair. Plan did not work and I ended up taking him to the shower with me so I didn't look like a dirty wreck at work today.
Some moment of clarity made me get him dressed at 5 am since we were already up. He finally went to sleep after the shower. So I had one hour of rest.
The poor guy wanted to sleep in this morning, mommy doesn't care. Time for you to sleep in a crib. (In a perfect world)

Adventures in extended breastfeeding: Mil? Get baby boob.

Evan uses a lot of sentences now. But mostly they are ones he learns from us and they are conversational. He has the typical Look over there and I did it. And do you want this? And my favorite... Bite? Try it. But today he put together a sentence himself, well it was more of a question followed by a command. "Mil? Get baby boob." He couldn't have been clearer. Usually he just says "Mil" or Milkie, when he wants milk.
Since I made my decision to breastfeed I have heard opinions and "suggestions" that when they are old enough to ask for it then it's time to wean. Evan not only asks for it, he often just gets it himself. He sit in my lap and pull up my shirt and nurse. Now we have entered a new phase of breastfeeding.
Today, Evan has not left my side, and he has nursed like crazy. He might be teething, I always think he's teething when he nurses like crazy, either that or some developmental milestone, growth spurt, or illness. When we are home on the weekends, he nurses so much that he barely eats food. It does leave me physically drained sometimes, but it is what it is.

When I began, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed for at least a year. I was going to try to wean at the year mark but we have gone well beyond that. Lactation information tells you there is no age that you should wean and that breastfeeding should continue as long as mutually desired. Sometimes the feeling is not mutual, but we joke that if it were up to Evan he would breastfeed well into his twenties. So here we are at 17 months and still going strong. I feel like his need for breastmilk is stronger than ever, actually.
Since I no longer pump and he is not with me most of the day, he makes up for lost time at night and on the weekends. This is called, reverse cycling. It's where a baby will satisfy most of his milk needs at night to make up for lack of milk during the day. I think it happens to a lot of working moms. I was told by one ped that I shouldn't give into it and he needs his sleep, and I should not be guilted into nursing all night. Too late. He will probably nurse all night until we officially wean and I don't see that happening anytime soon. Sure he needs sleep but he also needs milk. Could he survive without it? Sure. But that is not to say that my milk is not filling a nutritional void and he needs the calcium and whatever other nutrients and antibodies that are in my milk. (I really don't know what the nutrient content is, I'm a scientist but not that kind of scientist.)
I don't know how long we will go and I feel like this is just the beginning of extended breastfeeding. He still needs mama's milk even if its just for comfort. But we all have comfort food.

Bye Bye Babas and Bittersweet Boobies

So here I am after a busy weekend wondering if I'll ever get to update my blog. Free time is something I lack as a working mom. So as I pump for my last week. I am sad. I've worked so hard at this and I now I have to wean him off milk during the day. Actually, unless he us hurt or tired, the kid would probably care less about it. It is mommy that is sad. I am not sad to stop pumping. That my friends is a joyous occasion. I'm sad that I won't feed him throughout the day when I'm home. I suppose the kid has to grow up but I'm not ready.
Today was Evan's last day for bottles. He can drink well out of cups and he would rather play with a bottle than drink from it. Time to break him from it before he wants drink everything from the baba.

Evan doesn't seem to need so much milk anymore. Somebaby is self waening. So sad. Infact today, he didn't have any milk while he was at his grandma's. I've dropped my pumping at work down to once a day. This means I will have less milk during the daytime and I won't be able to nurse much during the day when I'm with him. I will certainly miss him crawling up to me begging for milk. Nursing isn't just for food, its a special time for him and I. He nursed for a really long time today and then looked at me like, thanks, I needed that. As nursing draws to a close, I savor each nursing session we have. Since Evan will be one on Wednesday, I am transitioning him to cow milk this weekend (for selfish reasons, I don't want him to have bad poops at his birthday party). I will still nurse at night, yes, we wake up once or twice for milk time. But my lil boy is growing up and I suppose I will have to too.

I will not miss pumping. Its the hardest thing I do each day.

Why I hate Lactation Consultants

I breastfeed. I'm not a militant breastfeeder. I try to be nice (because I am a mean person) to those who have tried and stopped after a while. If a baby can get 6 weeks of booby milk, I am happy for moms and babies.
I have been successful, but by no means was it great in the begining.
When Evan was born he had tachypnia and a double pnueomothorax (in laymans terms he had trouble breathing and he busted a hole in each lung. Some first breath!) Anywho, he had to spend a day in the NICU.

I was robbed of those precious first moments where they put they baby on your chest and you get to snuggle and try feeding in the first hour. They gave him a pacifier in the NICU and I heard horror stories about pacifiers and breastfeeding. But I don't know what I'd do without one. It seems like no one has those ideal first moments.
When I finally did get to try to feed Evan the lactation consultants came. The first thing the woman told me was "When he opens wide, shove your breast in his mouth like a sandwich!" Wait what? I would freak out if I opened my mouth and someone shoved a sandwich in it. The sandwich technique was not working at all. Neither was lining up the nipple to the nose and putting it at his bottom lip (or however you are supposed to do it properly). I tried holds. Cross cradle, football, but not cradle because I wasn't an expert yet. The consultant got frustrated with me, because I didn't know how to do it right. Well no book or class can prepare you to effectively feed your baby.
She then blamed my nipples. She made me use a nipple shield. I would not recommend them to anyone. They are awful and hurt. They are clumsy and flimsy. Terrible terrible things. Everything that was going wrong, and she was blaming me and my lack of experience. Hello! no new moms are experienced.
I tried and tried and cried. When he came to my room finally, he was hungry and we still were not good at breastfeeding. I tried feeding him the entire day. Consultants brought a pump to my room. I didn't want to pump. I wanted to feed him straight from the source. By that night he was hungry and crabby and had only a few drops. After he cried for 2 hours I called a nurse. All she did was hold my frustrated baby to my breast and all he did was scream. She kept shoving his face at me. It was frustrating for both of us. She took him away for some tests and had me pump. That thing was EVIL. She turned it on full blast! In the end I got 20 mL and I fed it to him from the bottle and my baby was content.
The next day, my mom, an experienced breastfeeder took some time to try to help. The nurses obviously weren't. We captured some precious moments but no milk in baby's tummy. I got him to latch a few times but it wasn't magical.

I met with the lactation consultant one last time. She told me that I should just pump. I was heartbroken. It wasn't until I was leaving the hospital and the charge nurse came by to see how my stay was. I told her about the horrible lactation consultants and the insensitive nurse. She told me that she was no lactation consultant but she could take a look at what I was doing and help me out is she could. She breastfed her son despite trouble. She was gentle and gave me some tips and you know what? my baby finally successfully fed and fell asleep with a full tummy... and even had extra to spit up. I am grateful for that nurse that did not let me give up.
Fast forward to today. Evan is almost a year. He still breastfeeds. We are good at it. I don't use any fancy holds or stupid nipple shields. He loves his milk and crawls up to me at night and usually nurses until he falls asleep. Its great. I don't have bottles to make and its really convenient, because baby boy still needs milk all night.

Recently some of my friends have had babies and really wanted to breastfeed. Lactation consultants told them that their babies couldn't breastfeed! One was told that her baby's mouth was too small and the other was told that her baby's bottom lip was not cooperating. I can only imagine the thing they were put through by lactation consultants and nipple shields and bleeding. Now they both pump which in my opinion is really hard work. I just wish for every mom that was told by a lactation consultant to give up and pump, that they could have found a nurse like mine.
We were made to breastfeed, no one said it would be easy. Its great to be able to give a baby a bottle but my heart goes out to the mommies that have been discouraged.