Adventures in Extended Breastfeeding: The Lactivist

Tonight Evan went to bed without nursing. About 2, maybe 3 nights a week, he will just snuggle to sleep. I am perfectly ok with that. It means there isn't a struggle, he can calm down without a boob, and he doesn't do his crazy half hour nursing ritual where he switches sides like 8 times. But if you tell that to a lactivist... you are doing it all wrong.
I may be a crazy hippy mom that still nurses her toddler but I'm not a pusher. I'm cool with breastfeeding, I think every baby should get a good 6 weeks of the good stuff, but it's not for everyone and can be really hard. I  don't see not breastfeeding as a failure. There are perfectly healthy kids out there that *gasp* drank formula. Even Evan has had a little supplementation of formula and now that I have ended my my sordid relationship with my pump he gets cow milk. It takes more than shelling out your hard earned money for formula to make you a bad parent.
One of my dear friends had run ins with lactivists when her son was very little. They gave her a really hard time for not breastfeeding in public, among other things. I felt so sad for her. I was fortunate enough to not encounter  too many lactivists until just recently. (See my post on why I hate lactation consultants here.) Recently I joined a FB group for breastfeeding moms hoping to get more information about extended breastfeeding, what I got was a ton of super opinionated weirdos. Everyone has crazy ideas, my suggestions are always wrong, even if they are words of encouragement and they are militant. Drives me nuts.
Here are the top 3 strangest things I read in the past couple of weeks (I'm summarizing here.)
1.Use your breastmilk for other things. If your baby has a diaper rash put breastmilk on it. Eye infection? try breastmilk. Sore throat? take a swig. Constipated older kid? Have a glass of the good stuff.
Really? really? I'm all for the magical boobie milk but last time I checked, it was food.
2. Pacifiers lead to early weaning, you should really comfort nurse. Before Evan was born, I was antipacifier because I read it inhibits a good latch. Well in the beginning it's always a struggle pacifier or not. Evan loves his pacifier but he's also a milk junkie and won't give up either. And the comfort nursing thing, I can list 10 million other things I would rather do than have my boob in my kid's mouth all day because he wants it. Banging my head against a wall is on my list of things I'd rather do before becoming a human pacifier.
3. Give your milk to an older child, even if its not your own. This woman gave milk to her 4 y/o nephew because he was not feeling well. I think its gross. I doubt that if preschooler Evan wasn't feeling well and I had a lil nursling, I would give him milk. I would reach for the Robitussin before the milk supply. There is a reason kids wean, besides I'm not going to give him milk til he's 20, at least I hope not.

Adventures in extended breastfeeding: Mil? Get baby boob.

Evan uses a lot of sentences now. But mostly they are ones he learns from us and they are conversational. He has the typical Look over there and I did it. And do you want this? And my favorite... Bite? Try it. But today he put together a sentence himself, well it was more of a question followed by a command. "Mil? Get baby boob." He couldn't have been clearer. Usually he just says "Mil" or Milkie, when he wants milk.
Since I made my decision to breastfeed I have heard opinions and "suggestions" that when they are old enough to ask for it then it's time to wean. Evan not only asks for it, he often just gets it himself. He sit in my lap and pull up my shirt and nurse. Now we have entered a new phase of breastfeeding.
Today, Evan has not left my side, and he has nursed like crazy. He might be teething, I always think he's teething when he nurses like crazy, either that or some developmental milestone, growth spurt, or illness. When we are home on the weekends, he nurses so much that he barely eats food. It does leave me physically drained sometimes, but it is what it is.

When I began, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed for at least a year. I was going to try to wean at the year mark but we have gone well beyond that. Lactation information tells you there is no age that you should wean and that breastfeeding should continue as long as mutually desired. Sometimes the feeling is not mutual, but we joke that if it were up to Evan he would breastfeed well into his twenties. So here we are at 17 months and still going strong. I feel like his need for breastmilk is stronger than ever, actually.
Since I no longer pump and he is not with me most of the day, he makes up for lost time at night and on the weekends. This is called, reverse cycling. It's where a baby will satisfy most of his milk needs at night to make up for lack of milk during the day. I think it happens to a lot of working moms. I was told by one ped that I shouldn't give into it and he needs his sleep, and I should not be guilted into nursing all night. Too late. He will probably nurse all night until we officially wean and I don't see that happening anytime soon. Sure he needs sleep but he also needs milk. Could he survive without it? Sure. But that is not to say that my milk is not filling a nutritional void and he needs the calcium and whatever other nutrients and antibodies that are in my milk. (I really don't know what the nutrient content is, I'm a scientist but not that kind of scientist.)
I don't know how long we will go and I feel like this is just the beginning of extended breastfeeding. He still needs mama's milk even if its just for comfort. But we all have comfort food.

Oh it's a new year?

Considering Evan came home from the sitter yesterday covered in glitter, apparently from a raucous mid-day new year's eve party reenactment, I feel like its not too late for my year in review/new year blog post. We had a lovely 2011/2012 stomach bug, I have an excuse for not posting.
I have to say that last year was a pretty good year for Evan and in turn I had a good year as well.
Sure 2010 was great because Evan was born but the rest of that year he was pretty much a baby (Eat, sleep, poop). In 2011, he became a mobile baby and a crazy toddler.
Evan's milestones:

• February 2, he rolled over for the first time. I remember the day not only because it was during the great blizzard of 2011 but it is also my favorite holiday.
• Evan got a lot teeth. Between February and the end of the year he grew 12 of them... that is the majority of all his childhood teeth in a year. And we as adults need to shut up about wisdom teeth.
• He learned to sit sometime in Late Feb/ Early March. (Yeah that was around 6-7 months... we have a late bloomer.)
• He started crawling around May or June (or sometime right before we moved, I forgot that quickly.)
• He started climbing shortly after that. 
• He started talking somewhere in here. 
• He gave up baby food at 10 months (psuedo-babyled weaning if you are one of those hippie moms)
• He turned one!
• He started walking at the end of his 13th month. (Just like my mom predicted)
• Started running shortly after, and became a kid and not a baby anymore.
• He discovered m&ms around Christmas and our lives will never be the same.

There were some other cool things that I did as a mom this year. We started using cloth diapers in August. There was a big learning curve washing those things but we love using cloth. I've also made other attempts to "go green" by cleaning with steam instead of chemical whenever possible.

We went to Florida in February. Evan saw the ocean. We went to a ton of museums, zoos and parks in the spring/summer. I sorta stopped doing all that in August but with a mobile tot, I anticipate several outings this winter. We took Evan camping for the first time this fall. He also ate dirt and started walking on that trip. (Both were very exciting). 

All in all, it was a pretty good year.

I don't have any resolutions. New Year's isn't ever that exciting for me, probably because I'm not much of a drinker and this year I was in bed by 10. Besides there isn't much to resolve, I don't feel like I need to better myself in a major way, and if I did, it wouldn't be a resolution. Sure we could all be a little more active and I'm sure Evan will help me get out more (at least on the weekends) as he becomes more of a toddler. 

Well maybe this year, I will craft a little bit more if I can. I have a ton of unfinished scarves waiting to get out of limbo. And I hope to blog a little bit more. You can look forward to a few posts I'm planning about breastfeed a toddler, hopefully weaning said toddler, bedsharing and getting a kid out of your bed. And anything else Evan brings up. Cheers.

A dreaded GI illness

Warning: This post contains some graphic content and may not be suitable for the weak stomach and non parents.

It started innocently enough, Evan wasn't too keen on nursing, which was strange, but acceptable. He came up to me and gave me a hug and then puked down my leg and then I picked him up he threw up down my shirt. Poor baby. I thought maybe he just had gotten too excited because there were people over and had a little tummy ache. Boy was I wrong and it was the beginning of a GI illness of exorcist proportions. He put that pea soup scene to shame.

From that moment he was throwing up about every 10 to 20 minutes for about an hour or so. It is absolutely heart wrenching when your toddler dry heaves and doesn't comprehend why and just wants you to hold him and nurse him. He was unbearably sick. He fell asleep in my arms which in itself is rare because going to bed usually takes at least 30 minutes of nursing. He was just too sick.

Thankfully, my mom who is the worst at handling vomit, convinced me to stay at her house. She was a great help, bringing me liquids, towels and shirts.

When it was actually time for bed, my poor child wanted milk. I couldn't deny it from him. Cue the exorcist. Full tummy of milk vs. mom. Mom lost.

At 6:30 he woke up and asked for milk. It was a repeat of bedtime milk but more epic. Again heart breaking.
Dealing with this was probably the most heart breaking thing I have dealt with thus far. He has had a few episodes of vomiting in his life but nothing like this. The poor thing just wanted fluids (which was great... but not great.)

He was sick for a whole 12 hours, somehow this morning, he drank a whole sippy cup of pedialyte and gatorade with a dash of seven up and some toast and oatmeal. He has held that down for over 2 hours and even nursed some. 7 towels, 4 mommy shirts and 3 Evan shirts later, I am totally exhausted. He has diarrhea now, which is way more manageable than last night.

I am very grateful for my mother's help because I don't how I'd do it without her.

We have a biter...

This week Evan has bitten 2 four year olds, a baby, his sitter, a pediatrician and a little kid in the waiting room at a doctor's office. His bites are pure evil too. He will look at you afterwards like he has done a good deed, like that person really needed to be bitten. Most of the bites are completely random and unwarranted. These people usually don't do anything to provoke the bite. I say usually because I have seen kids get bitten after ripping a toy out of my child's hands. That being said, biting is never ok. 

When you have a biter, people look at you like you are the worst mom in the world. I didn't do anything to cause this and I don't encourage the behavior. I knew Evan was going to be a handful when he started throwing tantrums at 7 months. Here we are 9 months later and those baby tantrums are a thing of the past. People keep telling me to ignore the behavior, correct the behavior, give a time out, and punish the kid. All that is easier said than done. And all the advice? Totally inconsistent. When he bites at home I cover his mouth, but he thinks that is fun. When he has a tantrum I usually try to ignore it, but he usually wants to be picked up. If you don't pick him up at the right moment, he will hit or bite you because you took too long to tend to his needs. By nature toddlers are selfish beings, the world revolves around them and their needs.

I am not seeking advice here, but sharing a real parenting challenge that I am facing. I can see why parents choose to spank their kids even though its controversial. A quick swat on the butt could work for the defiant/evil/selfish baby. Ok, I'll admit it. He has been spanked twice, over the diaper and pants. Once was today when he started hitting and pulling my hair as I put him in his car seat. It was after I tried talking him into sitting down in my gentle and then stern voice to no avail. Well one swift, not painful but probably scary, swat on the butt and it was a miracle and he sat down looked at me with sad-I'm-so-sorry-mommy eyes and let me buckle him in. I hugged him and said sorry. And he looked at me like he understood why he got spanked and wasn't mad. It made everything calm. 

Now I know what "they" say about hitting. Spanking will teach your child to hit. Evan already hits and no one taught him to hit when he's mad. I did not beat my child within an inch of his life there was no switch or paddle involved. He didn't hit me back when he got spanked and he was not angry as a result of it. People, even doctors, say that when your kid bites you, bite him back. But hitting.... oh no! call "the people". Frankly, I find biting to be much more painful than hitting. Spanking is about discipline and not hitting.  An occasional spank probably won't send him into years of therapy. 

Coxsackie virus...

Evan has acquired a coxsackie virus, hand foot and mouth. It apparently is a common childhood illness. It causes blisters on the hands, feet and mouth. The worst symptom is ulcers/lesions/blisters on the hard palate (roof of the mouth). I have no idea how he got it but he was bounced around to many sitters last week while his main sitter was home with her own sick kids. It started simple enough with a fever and cold symptoms on Thursday. He was laid up on the couch when I picked him up on Thursday while a ton of kids played around him. Sorry to those kids and moms who had extreme toddler exposure. I hope they have strong immune systems.
That night and the previous one were plagued with terrible sleep. He was up all night restless and wanting to nurse like crazy. I was delirious. He was miserable on Saturday and had an even worse nights sleep and didn't want to take a nap. After a brief 20 minute nap he woke up screaming and noticed blisters around his mouth. I felt like a terrible mom because I didn't notice when they happened but it seemed like they just popped up (they probably did.) Then as I was looking at his mouth, I got a peak at the roof of his mouth. He had a dark sore and the rest of his mouth was gray. I panicked and rushed him to the ER. He got the diagnosis of hand, foot and mouth and lo and behold he also a tiny blister on his hand and few on his feet. Since it is a virus, there is little that can be done except ease the symptoms, keep him hydrated and give him lots of popsicles.

The doctor warned me that he would probably develop diarrhea and the blisters will probably get worse. Thankfully that has not happened and this appears to be a mild case. I guess he's like his mom and gets mild childhood diseases. When I had chicken pox, I don't remember being covered with pox. But my sister and brother had them so bad that they got them on their eyelids. I probably was just a spotted, itchy kid that was visibly sick but just wanted to play. Barbie was calling my name. That is what Evan has been up to. He hadn't eaten all weekend, was crabby because he only sleeps if he has a full tummy, and he just wanted to play (not with Barbie). If anything he was in pain and stir crazy because he has been cooped up in the house forever. 

Last night he finally ate some yogurt and slept. He only woke up twice to nurse which is normal for him. He ate breakfast today, and is taking his morning nap. We are still avoiding other children because the coxsackie virus like all other childhood illnesses can have dangerous sequelae, i.e. meningitis. So even though his is mild, the next kid could have something worse.

My name is Evan... I like to dance

Evan's verbal skills have grown by leaps and bounds and it seems like it has happened overnight.
Evan was being bad and colored on some stuff around the house. He said, "I colored it." How can I even be mad. I said, yes you did color it. Ok, in our house coloring on paper is encouraged but coloring on stuff is not reprimanded, he is just brought back to the paper.
Last night he was following dogs around a park howling at them. And this morning when somebaby woke up at five, we watched a little baby Einsteins and he said every animal that was on the screen (including bear which I didn't know he knew). He also learned that owls say hoot. The kid is brilliant. He has at least 10 animals in his word bank and 3 include sounds.
People tell me that they only mimic at this age, but when you pull together a sentence, with proper tense mind you, it's cognition and memory there. But the mimic thing still happens but now its funner. I am teaching him to say my name is Evan. I like to dance (Yo gabba gabba reference. It's our new favorite show, I have gotten over the fact that the red one looks like an adult toy. Brobee won me over.)