Extended Breastfeeding, Attachment Parenting and the Working Mom

I like to think of myself as a pretty normal mom. But breastfeeding a rather large toddler, I can see why people can see why it is extreme. Attachment parenting is hot right now, I have yet to read Mayim Bialik's book Beyond the Sling, but I follow her blog at kveller. I love her, I mean who doesn't love Blossom and Amy Farrah Fowler? I like that she nurses her son beyond age 3. That is something I can see happening if Evan has his way. I agree with baby wearing, I just got a new carrier today, I was geeked and tried it on while Evan slept. I am so excited to back carry him now! It goes to 45 lbs so I can carry him til he's 4 if he wants. I also cosleep with Evan, but that came out of necessity rather than parenting style. This is where my similarities with Ms. Mayim end. She and so many others in the attached parenting camp also babyled wean, don't vaccinate, practice elimination communication, home-school, eat organically (especially vegan). All things I don't do. So does that make me a half attached parent?
I feel really strongly about vaccinations. Plain and simple, I don't want to see my child sick or hurting, especially if it could have been prevented.

The conversion of my new sling and the TIME magazine issue that comes out tomorrow has lead me to air my opinions and grievances. I subscribe to much of the attachment parenting theory, but from what I can tell, the typical attached parent has the luxury and fortitude to stay at home. What about us working parents? There is one piece in particular that struck a nerve with me. The author compares attached kids to daycare kids. I do the best for Evan but he is cared for 9 hours of each day by someone else and he spends over an hour and a half in the car commuting with me. Comparing the benefits of having an attached child to that of a child who attends daycare really labels us working moms as bad mommies. I am not a bad mom. I am doing the best I can.

My son is well loved and well cared for, even if I'm not doing the caring 24/7. I am supporting our little family and providing the best possible life for him that I can. The controversy over attachment parenting has once again striked up the mommy war of the SAHM and WOHM. Neither side is better. (I hope that squashed it.) I just know that at the end of the day, my son knows I love him and that I'll do anything for him. Even if that anything is carrying him on my back or feeding his giant self mommy milk... in public.

Things kids say

I am happy to report that Evan now speaks in full sentences. Most of his sentences are not pretty, like "Elmo, quack quack, watch it." But he is truly a social being and loves to make impressive conversation starters.
Some noteworthy things he has said lately. I must also say his enunciation and pronunciation skills are amazing as well.

• Mom, can I have a piece of cheese?
• Look, <<whispers>> the baby is crying.
• The yo gabba gabbas are sleeping.
• Oh a book, read it.
• Eww, what is this?

He says a great many things right now, but I can't wait til he until he is 3 or 4. Preschoolers say the best stuff.

In the past couple weeks, I have been able to spend a lot of time with my little little sister and what she says amazes me too. I wish I could remember it all.

• My dad has a lot of medals and trophies, he is very lucky.
• When Evan bit her (we are still working on that.) She said "It's ok, I'll just have to get used to it."
• She turned on the lights for me, and said "Is that the spot?" Meaning is that good, not that we were looking for a spot.

Extended Breastfeeding: Go the F*ck to sleep.

You just nursed for 2 hours, you're not hungry get off me, now go the fuck to sleep.

I wish the book included that line, but it seriously does not describe the worst night Evan and I have had in his young life. Early this week, his 16th tooth came in and according to baby books, it should be smooth sailing. When he is not teething, he sleeps well. (He can even sleep from 10 to 5 without milk.) I was so delighted to no longer have hour long night nursing sessions and looking forward to better sleep.
Insert, growth spurt and no nap. Well I'm not 100% sure but judging by his appetite for both food and milk, overall crankiness and poor sleep, I came to the conclusion. Also when my child does not nap, he sleeps too early.

The calm before the storm.

Despite the 2 hour super late nap, he did go to bed at his normal time. Then at 12:00 all hell broke loose. Last night my child was attached to the boob for 6 hours with 15 minute breaks. At one point I turned on TV so he could be entertained while I hid my boobs. I needed to sleep, but what I really wanted to do is take a shower. I wanted him to sleep long enough for me to sneak out of bed and wash my hair. Plan did not work and I ended up taking him to the shower with me so I didn't look like a dirty wreck at work today.
Some moment of clarity made me get him dressed at 5 am since we were already up. He finally went to sleep after the shower. So I had one hour of rest.
The poor guy wanted to sleep in this morning, mommy doesn't care. Time for you to sleep in a crib. (In a perfect world)

My son is a fish... and also a genius.

A few weekends ago, we took a trip to Madison, besides offering free beer every night (amazing, I know) the hotel also had a pool. Evan loved the pool. He has an amazing kick that is almost straight legged. That isn't saying much but as a former swim lessons teacher, getting a kid at any age to kick with straight legs is no easy task, and my kid is a natural. I had known that Evan was obsessed with water but he created sentences to describe it. After our first trip to the pool, he was hooked. Every time we went into the lobby, he would go up to the window and look at the water. If you were not paying attention to him looking at the water, he would bring you over to convince you to go swimming. He would say, "Water place". Then we taught him the word pool and that caught on immediately. With language development we have have to repeat stuff a million times for it to sick, but not so with pool.

His love for swimming and all things water stuck with him and now, baths are nearly an hour long. I can't even say the words bath or tub without him ripping his clothes off. In the last week Evan has started to try to float on his back. He will push all his toys to one side and lie on his back with only his little face sticking out. He then kicks his feet and splashes. This ends with me panicking and pulling him up. He thinks it's hilarious. He even puts his face in the water and turns to the side to take a breath. This kid needs swim lessons.

Aside from "water place", Evan's verbal and cognitive skills have taken off exponentially. Not a day goes by where he doesn't practice sentences. His grammar sucks but he's getting there. Today he said "Me get dada" and he got dada. He recites chunks of his alphabet and will repeat individual letters and sounds when we practice with his leapfrog fridge phonics. But the greatest thing he has done lately is count! Yes, my child who is just shy of one and a half can count! My sister and I were reading him a book where the penguin counts to four. We stopped at four and heard this tiny voice say five, six. It was one of the most amazing moments of mommyhood thus far. While he can't line up 6 things and count them, he loves having 2 of the same thing and will count one-two, which is also amazing.

One of my biggest worries as working mom, was being able to practice things like counting and reading, but I've set my worries aside because we are getting there.

Adventures in Extended Breastfeeding: The Lactivist

Tonight Evan went to bed without nursing. About 2, maybe 3 nights a week, he will just snuggle to sleep. I am perfectly ok with that. It means there isn't a struggle, he can calm down without a boob, and he doesn't do his crazy half hour nursing ritual where he switches sides like 8 times. But if you tell that to a lactivist... you are doing it all wrong.
I may be a crazy hippy mom that still nurses her toddler but I'm not a pusher. I'm cool with breastfeeding, I think every baby should get a good 6 weeks of the good stuff, but it's not for everyone and can be really hard. I  don't see not breastfeeding as a failure. There are perfectly healthy kids out there that *gasp* drank formula. Even Evan has had a little supplementation of formula and now that I have ended my my sordid relationship with my pump he gets cow milk. It takes more than shelling out your hard earned money for formula to make you a bad parent.
One of my dear friends had run ins with lactivists when her son was very little. They gave her a really hard time for not breastfeeding in public, among other things. I felt so sad for her. I was fortunate enough to not encounter  too many lactivists until just recently. (See my post on why I hate lactation consultants here.) Recently I joined a FB group for breastfeeding moms hoping to get more information about extended breastfeeding, what I got was a ton of super opinionated weirdos. Everyone has crazy ideas, my suggestions are always wrong, even if they are words of encouragement and they are militant. Drives me nuts.
Here are the top 3 strangest things I read in the past couple of weeks (I'm summarizing here.)
1.Use your breastmilk for other things. If your baby has a diaper rash put breastmilk on it. Eye infection? try breastmilk. Sore throat? take a swig. Constipated older kid? Have a glass of the good stuff.
Really? really? I'm all for the magical boobie milk but last time I checked, it was food.
2. Pacifiers lead to early weaning, you should really comfort nurse. Before Evan was born, I was antipacifier because I read it inhibits a good latch. Well in the beginning it's always a struggle pacifier or not. Evan loves his pacifier but he's also a milk junkie and won't give up either. And the comfort nursing thing, I can list 10 million other things I would rather do than have my boob in my kid's mouth all day because he wants it. Banging my head against a wall is on my list of things I'd rather do before becoming a human pacifier.
3. Give your milk to an older child, even if its not your own. This woman gave milk to her 4 y/o nephew because he was not feeling well. I think its gross. I doubt that if preschooler Evan wasn't feeling well and I had a lil nursling, I would give him milk. I would reach for the Robitussin before the milk supply. There is a reason kids wean, besides I'm not going to give him milk til he's 20, at least I hope not.

Adventures in extended breastfeeding: Mil? Get baby boob.

Evan uses a lot of sentences now. But mostly they are ones he learns from us and they are conversational. He has the typical Look over there and I did it. And do you want this? And my favorite... Bite? Try it. But today he put together a sentence himself, well it was more of a question followed by a command. "Mil? Get baby boob." He couldn't have been clearer. Usually he just says "Mil" or Milkie, when he wants milk.
Since I made my decision to breastfeed I have heard opinions and "suggestions" that when they are old enough to ask for it then it's time to wean. Evan not only asks for it, he often just gets it himself. He sit in my lap and pull up my shirt and nurse. Now we have entered a new phase of breastfeeding.
Today, Evan has not left my side, and he has nursed like crazy. He might be teething, I always think he's teething when he nurses like crazy, either that or some developmental milestone, growth spurt, or illness. When we are home on the weekends, he nurses so much that he barely eats food. It does leave me physically drained sometimes, but it is what it is.

When I began, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed for at least a year. I was going to try to wean at the year mark but we have gone well beyond that. Lactation information tells you there is no age that you should wean and that breastfeeding should continue as long as mutually desired. Sometimes the feeling is not mutual, but we joke that if it were up to Evan he would breastfeed well into his twenties. So here we are at 17 months and still going strong. I feel like his need for breastmilk is stronger than ever, actually.
Since I no longer pump and he is not with me most of the day, he makes up for lost time at night and on the weekends. This is called, reverse cycling. It's where a baby will satisfy most of his milk needs at night to make up for lack of milk during the day. I think it happens to a lot of working moms. I was told by one ped that I shouldn't give into it and he needs his sleep, and I should not be guilted into nursing all night. Too late. He will probably nurse all night until we officially wean and I don't see that happening anytime soon. Sure he needs sleep but he also needs milk. Could he survive without it? Sure. But that is not to say that my milk is not filling a nutritional void and he needs the calcium and whatever other nutrients and antibodies that are in my milk. (I really don't know what the nutrient content is, I'm a scientist but not that kind of scientist.)
I don't know how long we will go and I feel like this is just the beginning of extended breastfeeding. He still needs mama's milk even if its just for comfort. But we all have comfort food.

Oh it's a new year?

Considering Evan came home from the sitter yesterday covered in glitter, apparently from a raucous mid-day new year's eve party reenactment, I feel like its not too late for my year in review/new year blog post. We had a lovely 2011/2012 stomach bug, I have an excuse for not posting.
I have to say that last year was a pretty good year for Evan and in turn I had a good year as well.
Sure 2010 was great because Evan was born but the rest of that year he was pretty much a baby (Eat, sleep, poop). In 2011, he became a mobile baby and a crazy toddler.
Evan's milestones:

• February 2, he rolled over for the first time. I remember the day not only because it was during the great blizzard of 2011 but it is also my favorite holiday.
• Evan got a lot teeth. Between February and the end of the year he grew 12 of them... that is the majority of all his childhood teeth in a year. And we as adults need to shut up about wisdom teeth.
• He learned to sit sometime in Late Feb/ Early March. (Yeah that was around 6-7 months... we have a late bloomer.)
• He started crawling around May or June (or sometime right before we moved, I forgot that quickly.)
• He started climbing shortly after that. 
• He started talking somewhere in here. 
• He gave up baby food at 10 months (psuedo-babyled weaning if you are one of those hippie moms)
• He turned one!
• He started walking at the end of his 13th month. (Just like my mom predicted)
• Started running shortly after, and became a kid and not a baby anymore.
• He discovered m&ms around Christmas and our lives will never be the same.

There were some other cool things that I did as a mom this year. We started using cloth diapers in August. There was a big learning curve washing those things but we love using cloth. I've also made other attempts to "go green" by cleaning with steam instead of chemical whenever possible.

We went to Florida in February. Evan saw the ocean. We went to a ton of museums, zoos and parks in the spring/summer. I sorta stopped doing all that in August but with a mobile tot, I anticipate several outings this winter. We took Evan camping for the first time this fall. He also ate dirt and started walking on that trip. (Both were very exciting). 

All in all, it was a pretty good year.

I don't have any resolutions. New Year's isn't ever that exciting for me, probably because I'm not much of a drinker and this year I was in bed by 10. Besides there isn't much to resolve, I don't feel like I need to better myself in a major way, and if I did, it wouldn't be a resolution. Sure we could all be a little more active and I'm sure Evan will help me get out more (at least on the weekends) as he becomes more of a toddler. 

Well maybe this year, I will craft a little bit more if I can. I have a ton of unfinished scarves waiting to get out of limbo. And I hope to blog a little bit more. You can look forward to a few posts I'm planning about breastfeed a toddler, hopefully weaning said toddler, bedsharing and getting a kid out of your bed. And anything else Evan brings up. Cheers.