Evan just got over having the worst cold of his life. He had 6 days of fevers, congestion and I cannot begin to describe the terror of opening his diapers.
So with this I am going to respond to the sage advice.
Sleepless nights. Newborns are a lot of work because they require round the clock feedings, and wake up several times a night for feedings. But toddlers do that too, at least mine does. When Evan wakes up now, we still drop everything and comfort the little guy. I am not the parent that thinks he should self soothe. He really can't. He needs to be held and comforted at night. This is the main reason why we bedshare, he needs to nurse and needs to be held. I may have instilled this in him by rushing to comfort him, but he is not ready yet to do it on his own. Sometimes I wish he could but I'm not about to stop rushing to him when he cries for me.
They eat a lot. Newborns only drink milk. When Evan was tiny, I had no problem just nursing him. Toddlers need meals in addition to any milk they also drink. Evan is still breastfed when I'm around. And all night long pretty much. I am lucky if I can get away with nursing him twice in one night. Toddlers are also really messy eaters. Evan can't quite feed himself an entire meal and needs someone to feed him. He is learning utensils but is not near being self sufficient. I miss just nursing him and knowing that his nutritional needs were met.
They need to be held a lot. Well so do toddlers, and they can ask for it. I cannot do anything without Evan at my feet wanting to be picked up. I can't cook, clean or even use the bathroom sometimes without holding him or risk a tantrum. Sure newborns need to be held all the time but most newborns are not a back breaking 25 lbs, not to mention
I hate when people tell you that its better when they can sit up, crawl, walk, insert any mobility milestone here. Before all that, I could put Evan down and know he would stay where I put him until I picked him back up. Now I have a mountain climber. He doesn't walk because he is perfectly destructive and can climb up onto anything he needs. I am just grateful that he usually climbs down off the couch rather that diving head first. Besides I think all that it gets better stuff is a crock. Really? I am not thrilled to have a climber. And even if Evan could walk, it doesn't mean he wouldn't want to be held all the time. I think it would just make the up-down game a little worse.
They cry a lot. When a newborn cries, it sweet, a little sad, but sweet. They have a distinctive helpless cry. And though sometimes they are inconsolable, but eventually every baby settles. Crying gets louder and more urgent as they get older. Add tantrums into the mix and you begin to miss the never-ending cry of an inconsolable newborn. Evan gets mad and cries, hits, pulls hair and bites. Show me a newborn that does that. He gets so violent that people judge me as a bad parent. My kid has a temper, ok. He is also very smart, and he much like a 2 year old in the throes of "terrible twos" cannot communicate what he wants or needs and gets frustrated that his speech is not keeping up with his desires.
Don't get me wrong, I love my smart, angsty, restless, hungry, needy toddler, but some days I wish I had that easy newborn again. When people see you with a newborn, they feel compassion when you look disheveled and when you have a toddler that haggard look and the screaming kid, get stares of "she is a horrible mother". We should as a society still have compassion for parents, because it doesn't get easier and you never know what that mom is dealing with. She may just be the greatest mom in the world who puts the needs of a needy one year old before herself.
I have to agree pretty much. We're not too worried about the new little sister when she's born because they're actually pretty easy the first few months. They don't go anywhere, drink only milk, need little outside amusement other than being held. Cole is a ton more work now. But I'd say he's also a bigger reward since you get feedback about how he perceives the world. Newborns are kinda just lumps. For us, we've traded sleeping through the night with a much more crazy day that needs to have stuff to do. I can't just sit and watch reruns of CSI with him on my lap. lol Just a word about the self-soothing debate...I also agree there and I think Cole's version of this is that we're letting him still have his soothie and blankie a lot of places and during the day. And I realize he needs to learn to not turn to these in times of stress but something about being 1 or 2 just feels to me like he's not quite ready. If there's any point in our lives where we deserve a little break on being needy it's when you're little like that. And, just like the attachment folks would say, he's shown lots of independence in return...going down the slide by himself, eating a banana without help, etc.. So much of the pickup and tugging on your pants stuff is about mood too. They get tired easily and have no sense of time or the world. They're not rational yet, afterall. You can't explain logic to them. I say until my kids are old enough to understand more complete thoughts and larger cause/effect relationships, my timeouts will be less harsh and my understanding about his emotional immaturity will be greater.
ReplyDelete